I have those feelings
Sometimes I feel really sad.
I just start feeling it rush over my face and my chest gets hot and I start breathing faster and before I know it I am sobbing alone. I can’t help it. There are a lot of sad things going on in this world.
I think about selfish people and lonely people, hungry people and people who are scared. There is a lot to be so sad about if you let your mind wander enough. There are people who have given up on themselves and their lives. There are people who are going to kill someone today, maybe more than one person. Someone is going to take advantage of someone else. Someone is going to get fired from their job, some of them have families. There are people trying to escape their home-life or country and may not make it. There are children and people being trafficked for money or drugs. Someone is doing an “at-home” abortion and may not make it. Someone is getting evicted from their home. There are babies born without the same mental or physical capabilities as the ones I am blessed with. There are babies born who just won’t make it or born with AIDS. Animals are slowly becoming extinct. Countries are in war, people don’t have freedom.
The list goes on and I have to remind myself that I’m only one person who has her own life to live. I know I will contribute somehow, I really want to.
Life as of right now?
I basically have the silliest girlfriend ever. If she finds this she might be mad. But I am pretty sure that no one looks at my tumblr and I didn’t put it on Facebook so…LOOP HOLE!!
Life’s decisions are getting tougher by the second. I can’t fool around. Every time I make a decision or action, I see something follow up on it. Not always immediately, but it is noticeable enough that the memory of what I did shows up. I know that I am not nearly perfect. I mess up at least three times a day. Sometimes it can be quite hysterical and other times it is pretty disastrous; although, I can say that 90% of the time my intentions are honest, good and pure. I was not raised to deceive people and take advantage of them. I was not raised to be selfish or to put myself above anyone. Although equality is a struggle in this generation, I always believed in it…even in my childhood. Regardless of what anyone said, I felt that we were all generally made the same way, same anatomy and so we should be all treated as such…humans who come from different places with different beliefs and different cultures but all wanting to live.
I want to grow up gracefully with openness to all sources of information. I want to know more but if I know too much will I be jaded? I hope I never do, I hope that no matter what I expose myself to that there will never be a time when I give up on this world, humanity or our country. What I really hope is that no matter what I am investing my time into, it was because it meant something to me and I could see myself looking back at that moment and see it was my time to grow. I have to realize that there is only so much I can explain and express to help others around me and to not invest my emotions enough so that I disappoint myself but enough to suffice a difference in each other’s lives. I think that the different expectations laid by others of me are questionable in the sense of if I don’t exceed them, have a failed the true potential of myself?
I think that the only expectation I can rely on is to find peace within myself and life will fall into the precise place it was destined to.
I have never been happier in my youth and I hope that I don’t jinx myself of happiness in adulthood.
Had such a good time last night at the North Florida Fair!!
So sweet and sour at the moment. I don’t understand what this world wants from me! Every time I feel like ranting about that is bothering me or what is momentarily uncomfortable I feel like shaking myself and saying, “Really? Is it that bad?? No!”
One minute I feel like I’m working life’s grind as well as possible and then someone emails me or smacks me and says, “Sorry Ms. Tavarez…not good enough. Try this other things that costs money and wastes more time.”
Therefore, I am angry but happy. Because I know I am getting somewhere. And that’s enough for now.
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
I was probably about three years old when my parents and I lived in Miramar, Florida. They were renovating the kitchen in out very small house. My mother’s brother and sister-in-law lived down the street and came over to help place the new tile. I just remember sitting on the cold gray cement, watching my family. They were all in very casual gym shorts, tank tops, t-shirts and sneakers…sitting together and eating pizza.
I just remember feeling very happy to be around them.